Visuals are an important
ingredient in consumer marketing, so it is surprising to come across retail
managers who are so purblind as concerns the latent yet obvious passive
aggression in some of the visuals that those managers themselves approve in the
name of security. The espoused, yet utterly fake claim that customer experience
is improved by the added sense of safety—the actual underlying motive lies in
loss prevention—is typically outweighed by the very human negative experience
from being intentionally intimidated by passive-aggressive visuals. It may be
that such managers, frustrated by high rates of in-store petty theft (i.e.,
“shoplifting”), are unconsciously taking their latent aggression out of the
customers as a group. Even if not, the lack of judgment is palpable from the
visuals themselves. It is no wonder that an increasing number of customers
prefer shopping online.
The chain of Safeway grocery
stores is a case in point. One store manager admitted to me that the
subcontracted security company hires from “the ghetto,” meaning that the young
security guards may themselves need to be watched. I was discussing one such
guard, who had been standing just inside the interior entrance gates
watching customers entering the aisle-area of the store as if we were
suspects. The young man’s hostile facial expression was such that I
instinctively took out my phone, which triggered him. “You better NOT be
recording me, BRO!” he threatened. According to the store manager, the guard
should not even have been standing in the entrance gate (as shoplifters
typically do not bring and deposit merchandise inside stores, and watching
people enter means missing people leaving). Even though the manager told
me that the subcontracted guard would be dealt with, on my next visit that very
same guard stood next to the cashier as I was about to pay for groceries; I
left without the groceries or paying and reported the serial guard to the
company. The manager, who had admitted to me that he had authority in the store
even over subcontracted employees, had failed to hold the guard accountable, given
the guard’s sordid, unrepentant attitude. The manager also told me that the
guards were not supposed to cluster together, given the overdone visual, yet I
witnessed just such a clustering a week later. Apparently latent visual
passive-aggression, likely intended to intimidate, is not worth preventing in
retail management.
At a Vons grocery store in downtown
Long Beach, California, customers leaving the store must hand receipts to a security
guard and then take the paper back in order to tap it to an electronic device that
opens a gate allowing customers to exit the store. Presumably those customers
who decide not to purchase an intended item must justify themselves to a guard
in order to be let out of the store. Simply stated, this goes too far and yet
strangely customers put up with the invasiveness such that it could become
status quo, and thus the default not to be questioned. The passive aggression
in the active involvement of security guards misleadingly dressed as police and
the control-of-movement, if to become characteristic of society, would render
it as saturated with latent hostility and severe distrust.
At a Safeway store in San Francisco, customers using the self-check-out area must tap in order for a gate to open out of that area. Just outside that gate, sometimes as many as three security guards cluster to present a redundant display of intimidation, for they too are dressed to look like police employees. I submit that the managerial urge to dominate customers, even by using hired guns (literally), rather than to serve customers should be better studied in business schools, for the urge to control has arguably gotten out of hand at too many retail companies. If the latent hostility and over-control are allowed to reach a critical mass, a societal culture could be characterized in such terms, eviscerating connection that would otherwise exist between social animals like humans.
Even coffee shops are not off limits to overdone passive-aggressive visuals. Police should be mature enough to have the good sense to limit their number when they enter a small coffee shop to order and pick up coffee, for it is obvious that a lot of guns and uniforms in a small area are uncomfortable to customers who have not been in prison. The passive-aggression of guns should be obvious, especially given the incidence of abuse of power by police in the United States and the lack of accountability on police forces. Where, it may be asked, are the store managers in all of this? They err in judgment in favoring a sense of store safety and deterrence over providing customers with a comfortable in-store experience. Starbucks has been particularly guilty in throwing customer comfort under the bus in order to appease police. At the very least, the latter could leave their weapons in their squad-cars.
One coffee shop in San
Francisco that I walked past once even had a security guard wearing what looks
like military (or police) heavy gear (or bullet-proof vest!) just inside the
front door. Even if “people off the street” are a problem, the militaristic (or
police look-alike) visual is antithetical to “chill” coffee shop culture; the
sheer fact of being overdone should not go below the radar. Where intimidation is
so obviously the intent, potential customers should indeed keep walking, for no
innocent person deserves to be intentionally intimidated, especially in
spending money for a product. The irony is that on the window facing outside
was a poster urging love; just inside stood the security guard intimidating
people entering the coffee shop. Intentional intimidation by overdoing visuals
is antithetical to love, and yet there were the two visuals, back-to-back.
The impact on a society’s culture of this trend of presenting a visual overabundance of store guards as police and even giving them control over gates inside stores is in need of study. The related impact on the psychology of individuals is also important. Moreover, the individual-organizational-societal nexus should not be minimized. The uptick in store security-presence in the early-to-mid 2020s was no doubt due to a surge in shoplifting (stealing merchandise), but this does not justify either in moral or psychological terms the collateral damage that is done culturally and to the psychological well-being of individuals while in public.
The impact on a society’s culture of this trend of presenting a visual overabundance of store guards as police and even giving them control over gates inside stores is in need of study. The related impact on the psychology of individuals is also important. Moreover, the individual-organizational-societal nexus should not be minimized. The uptick in store security-presence in the early-to-mid 2020s was no doubt due to a surge in shoplifting (stealing merchandise), but this does not justify either in moral or psychological terms the collateral damage that is done culturally and to the psychological well-being of people in public places and retail stores. That a toxic norm eviscerating the vital element of trust in the natural romantic coupling instinct of falling in love was well ensconced by then at the expense of interpersonal emotional intimacy added another level—that of romantic connection—to the larger problem of social cohesion in San Francisco.
Like the toxic psychological impact from excessive visual intimidation in stores, the emotional intimacy lost by the anti-commitment, momentary pleasure (sexual) norm in the city was not understood by the people themselves.
As one example, the sexual norm eclipsing commmitment in the Castro (i.e., the gay hub of the city, and perhaps North America) manifested as a "trophy boy," who could be as old as 35, being "partnered" to older men who are living in romantic relationships with another man. Sadly, such a "trophy" could even deluded into thinking that his partner regarded him, rather than the lived-in romantic relationship, as primary. This delusion prevents the "trophy" from being open to a real boyfriend, to whom the trophy would be anything but. Given the anti-commitment sexual norm, a gay man could use the "trophy" type of relationship to keep emotional intimacy at a distance out of fear of being hurt emotionally. Psychologically, it is just such fear that I suspect blocks recognition of the delusion of being primary to the man holding the trophy, who by the way typically has no problem with his trophy being permiscuous sexually with lots of other men and even groups. For both parties, it is a case of having one's cake and eating it too. But because real nutrition comes from genuine, self-giving emotional intimacy, both men are actually starving even though neither realizes it became neither has tasted that nector. The societal norm that supports such a tragic arrangement can indeed be subject to criticism.
The overkill on security in stores and and the foregone emotional intimacy in romantic relationships obviating commmitment could both continue as viable because of the nature of power. Imposing an excessive security presence in stores in order to use intimidation to reduce stealing, and imposing on the person one is seeing (dating) one’s own selfish desire to continue to have sex with other people with whom one has romantic feelings both involve harm and thus are unethical.
This is not to say that opening a relationship to some outside, separate sex without emotional feelings is necessarily toxic; it, and bringing in a third to share, could even be a healthy release from the monotony of monogamy. This is not to say that having "urges" justifies rampant sex, and, moreover, that having even strong urges excuses infidelity. Self-discipline/control is necessary for a romantic relationship capable of emotional intimacy to go on. So, I am not urging a socially conservative position for San Francisco, although such a stance would be preferable to the exant norm due to the toll on emotional intimacy.
The problem, especially with regard to young gay men in San Francisco at least as of 2026, is that a sexual norm had become so ensconced as the default that dating someone meant having to accept the other person’s decision to continue to have even massive amounts of outside sex with friends and even strangers. It is power that is being applied to the potential boyfriend. The latent passive aggression of inflicting such emotional harm had become an epidemic, at least in the gay “community” in the city: the Castro. Selfishness, which can include a preoccupation with momentary pleasure, can be blind to the harm being foisted onto others who could potentially be emotionally intimate.
Because interpersonal harm was also being inflicted by retail managers via visual intimidation (of latent force) in stores, we can conclude that the two emergent societal norms were mutually reinforcing—both involving severely unbalanced power making passive aggression possible (and perhaps even enjoyable), and both therefore expunging interpersonal trust and killing emotional intimacy. Such loss; so far from Plato’s ideal of the just city of interpersonal and psychic harmony, and so close to the fulfilment of Nietzsche’s aphorism on egoism: “Egoism is the law of perspective applied to feelings: what is closest appears large and weighty, and as one moves farther away size and weight decrease.”[1] Security guards standing too close to customers, and decisions of whether to have sex by a person dating or being in a relationship being a banal function of simply whomever happens to be closer in proximity.
Trust is vital to emotional intimacy, and a more long-term oriented egoism must take the place of expedited egoism for real connection to be strong and deep rather than compromised and betrayed. Priorities say a lot about a person in relation to others, and about a city. I contend that San Francisco is a case in which emotional intimacy because too little valued in the climate of passive aggression. It is no wonder that by 2026 the city had become rife with drugs such as cocaine and meth, as if those could effectively nullify the relegation of emotional intimacy both in the arena of dating and in stores.
1. Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science, #162.

















